ZHan
2403198
Blabbering is my forte
Snapping pic is my fav
One World Sold out for Jesus

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An outcast of my past and my present.
Love people, trying my best to relate myself with them.
I have tried. I have done my very best.
But now, I'm so tired of striving to keep up with everyone.

Now..
not that I'm complainting or what.
But my efforts might sometimes seem to be futile,
when people closed themselves from me.
Am I that unwelcomed in their life?
Or time is the factor that reframed them.

SAJC. A great college.. my dream college.
To fight for my dream, I discarded my past.
Looking forward to new faces and compound,
I was deeply felt intruding to other's terrorities.

Is it me? Maybe..
I discarded the thoughts of SRJC. Fishtank. Grandstand.
Everything tiny bity of memories of that..
I tried to be receptive and adaptive.
I did it with OG2 of SAJC..

Everyone just clicked,
but again separated by time.
For time isn't kind. Harsh departure into a brand new class..
I was given my combination of my choice,
but the class wasn't what I have imagined...
I became an intruder, an outcast to them.

Sociable, I was..
Unacceptance was the reaction.
Was it me again??
I reflected and asked God,
"What's wrong?"

Even before, I have the chance to relfect..
Pockets of people were seen.
My class was separating. Broken, it was.
Many that weren't supposed to be there,
appeared and distorted the spirit of the class.

'I missed you!'
They blasted without considering the people around them.
Hugs and kisses filled the air.
A distinct deviation was focused at their old bloods.

Who am I going to blame?
No one. Except myself for getting jealousy.
The price to pay..

Things would change..
I believe. Time is what I need.

Orientation's over.
Honeymoon's over.
I'm stepping into a new room.
Room for improvements and pruning.
'Missing SRJC' will not be the excuse for my reluctantness.
I must scrap it off my mind.

Friends forever.
But memory can't stay still and not move.
Move along and see that happen next.
The Next BIG Thing might be just me.
Learn to love.
Being an outcast might just do the trick to be more outspoken.
Not to bow down to disappointment and discouragement.

Up and On..
SAJC is my earthly life now.
Unpredictable prophet..
Found a better adjective to scrap off 'weird'..

Tired still..
Dun have the extra energy to blog.
Life's been tight.
Rushing from place to place.
Too bad.. SA so far from home.

OG orientation's over.
OG is scattered today. No more OG 2..
It's 05A21.. I think.

Me and my unpredictable attitude.
Crazy lar.. one min jovial, the next moody.. seen to be abit sick.
PMS ?? I hope that it will not happen with my friends around.
Might freak them out..

That've been the case since young.
Hehe.. maybe that's what I made of..
A mystery to people, always unpredictable and inconsistent.
None is able to preceive my thoughts and actions..
No one including myself..
I wonder if anyone even notice that..

Poor rest..
Poor appetite..
Increment of demands... both spiritually and physically.
But time isn't kind to me.
Or is it me who underestimated time??

SAJC and their induction orientation..
did dumb things.. including wasting time.
made friends.. gel during tough times, dissolved after that.
One heart, many directions..
Convenient superifical bond? I doubt so..

Unpredictable prophet needs good rest.
Hopefully, I'm able to sleep well..
Haven't had a good rest, ever...
since the beginning of the year.
Sigh... what wrong with me??
Monday Blues..

By the time I'm done with packing and futile rampage in search for my 'O' level result slip.
It's 2:30 a.m....
But still, my heart's still troubled by my future. My wife and children. The price to pay for revival. I was depressed over what I will be going thru, but I gave thanks for every hardship I will be going thru and slumber..

It's 4:30 a.m...
I'm still awake. Fear that I will not be able to adapt to Saint Andrew's..

Exhaused..
Sleepy prophet needs soaking..
Actually..
I'm quite immune to my own birthday.. maybe its the expectation on that day seems to be less significant to me. More like a usual day to me, with slightly less job for me to do. Surely, no need to assist mum @ her place, give housecleaning a break and wait to receive ang bao(s).

This year..
everything was late and bleaky.
No present.. which is a good thing. I will chuck it somewhere ulu ulu in my room and tends to remember it a few months after my birthday.. Mum never buy me anything except for a cake.

That night, she explained why she brought the cheese cake for me.
Cos 3 years ago, she vaguely seen me with my tiny puny slice of cake, celebrating by myself.. Belah!! she always brings up the oldie on newie days..
Blessed me with my depressing past on MY DAY!!
>_< Good on you, Mum!!

Ang bao came one day later by my brother, who still doesn't know what I like..
Mum decided to bank in my 'ang bao'... and usually either she remembers it or she will completely forget until she found out I have withdrawn a huge lump sum.. that's when table talk comes next, on the very next day after she updates my bankbook.

Well.. MY DAY's over.. l
ong over.. so let's not dwell into it anymore.
18th is the next one, which is the one that I dun look forward to. It's kind of personal thing here, so if I disappeared before my time is coming. Dun be surprise. I have gave my advance inform lar..

Heaven

Paranoia is my being,
paradox is my feeling.
Oxymoron stays by my knees,
oxygen is only what I need.
Fill me with your assurance,
fit me in your insurance.
Mountains of uncertainity,
mounts to nothing but thee.
Exhausted, am I.
Exile, where I.
Forgive my transgression,
for grave is where I quench.
Rest in peace , but not for long.
For revival in east, lords along.
O Holy Ghost touch me deep,
send me to O Highest to dip,
O Fragrance of Heaven..
O Fragrance of Heaven.
No chocolate eggs.
No roasted easter bunny meat.

Lousy morning as a starter..
Woke up late and out of house in 5 mins.
Missed the train and had to take taxi.
I couldn't afford the fines..

Bleaky day..
Woe is to me for I know what is to come.
A price to pay for revival that even Man can't afford, that the Son of God has to be send to revive it.

Sleepy prophet got to pack for tomorrow's orientation.
Sleeping early.. :(
Show that C++ is very fun..

Turning written language into computer language is kind of fun and troublesome.
Well.. if you can find fun in doing something that is troublesome, den it will be very fun..
so therefore my conclusion is that C++ is very fun. (proven)

So like Additional Maths..
I missed the days of mugging papers after papers,
with the satisfaction of solving them..

Scanning for a suitable blogskin to give a facelift for my blog today...
Page after page.. nothing caught my attention.
Until this one. Anime blogskin..
I was spooked by the nightview background with this dunno what Jap anime character, with her (try to be positive abt it, I can't imagine that it's a guys..) butt cheeks exposed as the strong wind blew up her skirt..

But the coolest of all..
Were all the functions this skin has..
Links, Music, bla bla bla...

Den I studied the C++ and recalled some of the C++ lessons in MSHS..
Cut and paste..
Try and error..
Republish and refresh..
Tata larrrrrrrrrr...

I have done it..
My new blogskin..
and suddenly, for no rhythm or reason, I found it quite gay..
Den I was quite turned off by the butt cheeks.. later spark another controversy by those who seen it and wondering whether I am a XXXXX XXXXXX XXXXXXX. :0

By the way.. from a reliable source.
Do not as in ever.. whisper or mutter a gossip in SAJC, it will spin out a new fairy tale, den it will become a well-know fable.. after a few tours in SAJC, high and low, horizontially and vertically.. it will evolve in a 'myth'..
In short, speak of any devil.. it will come back and smack right on your face, twisted and mutated into another devil.. worse and deadlier.
It's never nice to be the first to try..
Usually will die very horribly..

So..
Word of Knowledge: SHUT UP and LISTEN ONLY!!
But people tends to ignore the Word of Knowledge, too bad!!

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...
I have been listening to this blog panio music the whole afternoon
as I was trying to translate and reconfigurate the computer code.
Ting ting dang dang..
dong dong dang dang..
-headache- >_<

Sleepy prophet says his night prayer..
praise thy Name..
ZZZZZzzzz..
I'm going to learn breakdance and break my spine, den get healed up and learn extreme breakdance. Woo hoo hoo.. Anointing is here!! Time to be Xtreme now!! God've implanted all the stiff muscles and tough bones for dancing.

I'm going to be a hipster and be cranky!!
Going into the streets of nightdwellers..

Dancing cells are inside of me now!!
Tapping into His anointing..
What can I say?? It's the best present from the best person I ever know: Jesus!! He's my best friend and all's about him. Yeeha!!

Dun be surprised if I'm in hospital,
with a broken arm and a few torn hamstrings..
Yeeha!! MORE... haha!! I dun care, 'cos I'm the weird prophet...

I'm already out of my mind to take literature and 4 As as a arts student. So.. pray hard that I can copy with the workload and be able to enjoy life as well. Play hard, Work hard..

Next time..
I'm getting myself a pet sheep or lamb..
haha.. that's for sure!! if possible..
Yesterday..
Hmmmm.. quiet.
But my mobile's still buzzing off with belated wishes.

Mum didn't give ang bao this year..
Maybe it's spent on the chesse cake. Bleah!!

Literature, History, Econs and Maths..
Incitment inside of me..
Hate science, Love arts.

'One man can't serve two masters,
either you hate one or love the other.'

Sigh..
Today's Zhi Han's birthday..
Weeeeee...
No celebration, no big feast, nothing but a Benganwan Solo Chesse cake.
A rather solemn day for me. Not busy with anything..

5.58 am.. earliest morning I ever wake up since.. the church last scraped off the 5 a.m. morning prayer session. Bleah.. Weird morning. 15 mins of gutiar strumming/ morning worship.. 15 mins and I'm on the road. Mum was like so worried for me.. like primary school kid first day to school. That's my mum.. Called me when I was like approaching the MRT station, asking whether I was walking back. Haha.. mistaken identity lar!! :)

Morning MRT traffic was low and still..
Not much movement, 'cos it's packed with lot of students and teachers.. haha. Many nerdy teachers among the different school uniforms .. I think today's got some NCC thing going on, 'cos army boys were on board as well..

As usual, reading articles.. Brain stuff. It's abt girls becoming of the same capacity as boys. In layman's term: boys starting to drool, girls beginning to rule.. Bleah!! heavy stuff.. morning reading has became compulsory to inject life into my stand-by mode system. Either scriptures or Times.. :p To get the pulse pumping..

Love the lighting and the stillness of the moving train.
Bright enough to provide sufficent colour equalizing for my sensitive eyes.
Still enough, not to give me headaches after reading..Awesome!!

Habour Front.
Some bus..
I always follow the crowd. 'Woo.. so many people boarding that bus, should I popping in as well? Of course dumbo!! ' Guess what. My confirmation was secured when I saw Joel and my ex-schoolmate.. Yeeha!!

Usually.. as in most of the time..
It's the parent that greets and wishes their child first with all birthday wishes and hugs, some that are more extreme might give kisses.. mine?? nope.
This year is Weifen!.. I think so..
Exchanged handshakes and smiled.

But Josssssssssssssshy is the first one to call and surprised me..

Den without any rhythm or reason..
Sms bombarded me. Mobile kept on vibrating..

School's as usual. Made friends. Hanged out with them over breaks.
Attended sample lectures to get lecture over 'why you shouldn't do this sub..'
Bill came to appeal into SAJC.. Jon and me directed him into the school.
Rushed for Literature lecture.. Mr John Smith was late. Phew!!

Literature starts to tickle me..
My heart is slightly moved by what was 'preached' by him..
Maybe, arts is my calling still. Hidden dragon, crouching tiger.
However, Bro wants me to appeal into science..
Have to get the blue slip.. sigh..

Left school with my OG friends..
Samantha and Suvda.
Met this guy @ the busstop.. loud and loud still.
Bus 100 delievered us to the station..

Sms still bombarding me..
Jason and WeiJun rushed and flew into the train, just nice on the dot.
Hehe.. den talk and talk..
I hate to see the new Saint Andrew Village or Saint Andrew's Village before the last tile completes the roofing. They alighted @ some station.. errr.. dunno which one. Hahaha..

Zoom! Bam! Boom!
Samantha and Suvda, all went our separate ways.
I decided to return to MSHS, to get my carbon-copy testimonial.
School building's still looks inferior. One kick and the building will fall apart.

Gentleman, scholar and sportsman.. MSHS vision.

Met juniors..
Amazed them with my posting and 'o's results.
Rather arrogant.. but I can afford it. I'm out of MSHS!!
I hate the principal, but I love the teachers.
Hate one, love one.. Our purpose is to please God, not Man.

Smiled at the office lady..
Tried to be patient with their snobbish attitude..
Freaked them out when they took a glance at my testimonial..

Some sec one dude, unable to distingiush a culture-defiled marist by my shoes.
Questioned about my cause to be in the general office.
Bla bla bla.. I freaked him with my 'o's results again.
Haha.. den he complained and whimmed about the common test results to me..
er.. words of encouragment for him: Me too!

Indecisive to where I should stay and wait for Jason and WeiJun 's arrival.
I stood by the slope along the sloppy road.. appreicating the newly revealed part of MSHS. It was so quiet and peaceful. No direct sun facing me with strong wind breezing pass.

Surprised many of my juniors again..
some sat down and chatted (or complained)..
some waved and smiled ( or smirk)..
some ran away..

Den they came and before the sits were warm..
We decided to go our own ways..
I, on the other hand, was heading to SRJC..
That was a bad choice, but had a significance..

I wanted to close my book of good memories and to do so.. I wanted to have the last glance at the JC and put upon a pact that I will not step in there unneccesaily, unless I really have to.. Suay Suay enough, History deans were strolling out.

" Traitor!! Why are you coming back? "
" Appealing back!" and there was a pause in the 'conflict'. " Kidding!! "
" Where are you now? Chun Ke.. NO!! Zhi Han!!" I was like -----> (..")
" SA!! "

I stood by the gate.. Scanned the SERANGOON JUNIOR COLLEGE, den the grandstand and the 'fishtank'. There was a sudden peace in my heart and -poof- all the strings attached to those symbolic areas went snapping.. one by one.

' No one is here by chance. '

I am now a servant leader, my heart belongs to SAJC.
I was glad that could put down and adapt to new surrounding..
I was glad..

What a weird birthday to have for a sleepy prophet..
but I was contented..
Contented, I was.
Someone sang this..

'For the moment like this, I've been waiting for a lifetime..'

Today, my moment like this was shattered..
Lifetime waiting..
I felt extremely excited when I was by the narrow gate.
I could feel that refreshing experience, as if I was stepping into some sacred land. I anticipated for 4 years and I was like 2 steps away. 2 steps and I'm there.

Mins 1 step..
1 more step..
I'm in. Inside SAJC..
1 more step. Hey!! the floor has cracks. The paved walkway is so narrow.. Rrrrr!!
2 more step.. Commotion at 12 o'clock. I saw the red bricks.. I see people. Yeeha!!
Walking fast.. Welcome to Sssssssss.. so that SAJC?? My dream school looked like that. As in like that only?!?!?! dun have water spitting fountains with 2 little angels by the mouth and beautiful gorgeous flowers with exquisite smell surrounding the most awesome school compound. The combination of rustic charm with simply beautiful.. NOnonononoooooo

-Poof!!!!-
there goes my dream..
I have just lost my castle in the sky..
Maybe day 2 might be different.

Sleep prophet's growing brain.
More brain power!! :)
Woe to me, confused and despair.
Walking inside of SA pair in pair.
Dreamt of you, oh Saints.
But in turn, insane.
Love for the college has gone cold.
Left only the rundown old floor.
Core of the college is to serve,
But I'm there in reserve.
Seen my pals and comrades,
what we exchanged were 'are you ok?'
Cold is what I became,
Come with glory and fame,
until today is nothing, but faint.

Woe me not, for I have changed.
Cut my hair for exchange,
contemplating for my change,
I decided an extreme change.
Not more marriage to any chains,
with just want a complete changed.
Exchanged kisses with my date,
Bidded her farewell in many shames.
' I always love you,' is what I say,
but I sway away from where I stay.

Woe is not my say.
Woe is not my say.
I'm like living in constant confusion..
Science or arts. To appeal, or not to?

So afraid that my faith starts to waver..
I held onto what the leaders told the church,

'Settle it ownself! and there will be break thru!'

I was slightly tired and on the verge of giving up.
I chatted with friends and strummed my classic gutiar with the usual chords.
Birthday is just around the corner and God's been doing something to me. Physically, as in really physcially.. I think He gave me more brains..

Today had a sudden lighting headache, with a few minor blackouts. As though, my circuits that are connected to my sight and sound, were temporarily switched off, causing a hiccup in my nerve system by my left temple.. Terrible. I was in agony and worst of all, its during Maths lecture and all the way until I reached home..

Luckily, ZiYi accompanied me to Popular to buy the materials for the impression card that Su's been bugging me to buy. Otherwise, I might feel insecure that I might blackout and fall all flat on the icey cold floor.

Thanks ZiYi.. if u ever read this. Woo hoo!! Cute/Cool girl Roxs!!

Today, I also met the original books of the author.. Darn! I forgot her name. ZiYi reads her novels.. Maybe I know what to get her on the 9th of September. :) Cool.. wow!!

I was like going to puke and rot.. inside of me is like jumbo up. Butterflies inside of a knotted stomach, I had nothing for breakfast.. unless u include half a spoilt chinese bun and ice lemon tea. I knew.. puking was not an option. Hydrochloric acid will be burning my throat.

I held onto myself, trying my best to poise myself. Things became worse when Nadia was insight, followed by Kevin den ACS guy den the Roxy gal, oops! dunno their names. Bleah!!
Kevin was trying to talk to me, but my head was bombarded by his words. He sounded very loud and was killing me. Skull was about to burst and all the sweat was beading inside of me..
Tick-Tock-Tick-Tock..
Bus 82 was there!
And we missed it. I was like..
there goes my bus and her bus as well.. in secs.

ZiYi was like.. Rrrrr!! in a cool way..

Bus 112 came not long..
They were intenting to go to Belinda's place to chill.
Something abt the door.. spoilt or something like that. I wasn't paying attention to details. I hate it when I missed the details. And in the morning, when i was rudely waken by a call. I lost my dream and that.. really pisses me off. Dreams are very important to me, becos my destinty might be written on it. Rrrrrrrr... >.<

Home sweet home. Within 1 minute, I'm topless and empty-handed, lying on my cozy bed, under my pillows and blosters.. trying to sleep. I need to rest. Sms came and I just had to ignore them.. Terrible headache of the Year.

After a long nap, there was a slight improvement to my disease.
And I felt different. Like I become more.. werid. Werid prophet becoming more werid. I threw myself back to sleep, but was again rudely interrupted by my mobile.. It was blinking.

One shot.. I replied to all the sms and headed to my parents' bed. I need the medication oil. Rubbed and felt the burning sensation on my temples. I took another nap.. Feeling extremely energized by it. I grabbed something for high-tea. I missed breakfast, brunch and lunch..

Milk and cookies. I was by the living room. Upon finishing.. I took my guitar for strumming. Jolly well.. I couldn't and still can't believe.. I became more musically-orientated. My switching of chords became more smooth and fluent.. I understood the G-chord was held that way.. bla bla bla.. woo!! cool!!

Happily strumming and singing. I decided to worship in strings. :) A praising heart, a prayerful heart. I gave thanks to the High above.. Yeeha!!
I took up and left to fulfill the promise I made, for my atonement for my Daddy. :)
Sleeping not?
Its like 2 plus am in the morning.
Actually I took a nap when I came home.
I was startled by the darkness in the house, except for my tablelamp.

I pissed my Daddy today.
I failed to keep my promise to help him to pack up.
I was late. Very late. 2 hours late.
He was like so unpredicatable.
I can't say 'no', so I promised him that I will come.
Which is worst?
Saying 'No' at his face or to fail to keep the promise.

Den Holy Spirit asked me a question.
'Will you give excuses?'
Initially, I said 'yar.. well.'
Den He gave me a negative impression and replied,

'Next time, when God doesn't fulfil His bargian. He will also give you an excuse.'

Gosh.. Ooops!!
It's like revelation of the day. Ouch!
The whole time, I was like not myself. Super quiet and still.
Didn't dare to give comments or speak, for I fear that I might accidentally spark a quarrel. I'm usually speak before I rationalize, under stress. With 'confident' tone that might create a fasle impression, den.. there goes the day, shattered within secs with my careless talk.

Bleah.. put it aside lar. It stinks.

Today..
Made an effort to sleep more.
Woke up @ the usual time.
Piled pillows on my head to bury myself.
Couldn't breathe.. Choked and woke up.

Prayed for Halena. Poor girl. Persecution after another. Non-stop.
Oh yar.. I was dancing on my table again the night before.
I was over-filled with joy.. I'm a werid prophet.
Manifested while sleeping. Soak abit den dozed off.

Read my bible everyday.
Okie.. no more fancy talk, it's time for action!!
Read Acts @ home and on MRT. Ha..

Just..
I sensed something..
I could smell death somewhere at the corner..
I got a clear picture.
It's the smell of break thru with blood that's going to be spilled.
And I think it's getting nearer and nearer..

Today..
I was with ZiYi the whole day.
Movie after movie. Howl's moving castle den Robots.
Now..
I can like picture Robots in my mind..
Watched it twice. With Church and just with ZiYi and Danielle.

ZiYi amazes me always. Non-stop.. haha. Chat alot with her or should I say I talk too much? And I saw her eat. As in, eating food. But before that we decided to drop by Tampines libaray, and was like the Isralites in the wilderness 40 years.. both of us walked a big round until we reached the Promised land which was just around the corner..

And Jossssssssssshy this for you.
JOSHUA's gay. -smile-

Back to blog..
Watch the movie. Howl's abit draggy. Belah.. was a sweet story in Jap. Haha..
Den went to get some sunlight after that to chill our frozen fingers.
Returned to the library again and intro some books to her. I brought last year's Times magazine about Easter day and Passion of Christ. I think.. those pastors or whoever you call them, needs a touch from God.

'Be still and know that I am God.'

Hahaha... they will pee on their pants.
Rendezvous with Danielle. Wrong bus stop.. den returned to TM to find her.
She was with another friend. Intro and intro.. I was a "?"
Er.. Amanda from TKGS.. yup!! got it. She requested for my Christian name.

Actually I do have.
Have 2 names.
One will bring forth Heaven on Earth. And the other will open the gates of Hell. I'm who I am.. One will brust forth golden white angelic wings. and the other will call upon Mass Destruction.
I tried and tested. These names will affect my personality. So it's true that,

"You are what, when people speak it into being."

Zhi Han.. it's the name of the mix blend of those.

Watch Robots with Danielle and ZiYi..
Had a long chat... :)
Popped by Pizza Hut..
Sally's working there, so it's kind of werid to be served by a friend.
Haha.. Eat and chat. CHIJ just amazes me.. or should I say, girl school.

Den back up to the vicious cycle of losing time.
Either take bus to save scrap or MRT to be tuna-ed..
Latter wasn't the choice.
Up we went, Bus 22 with ZiYi and bidded Danielle farewell. :0

Sleepy prophet need to recharge physically.
My heart's getting old.
My mind's already rusty.
My joints need oiling badly.
I luv Sundays...

Last night, I couldn't sleep at all.
I was so excited for what's going to happen on Sunday.
All the prophetic evangelism stuff and getting manifested.

Now..
after 9 hours in church, since morning until evening.
Leaders meeting den prophetic evangelism den discipleship service den AGM..
Bleah!! now spiritually and physically zapped.
Manifestation is getting more radical.

Angels are poking my butt.
They are soooooo cheecky.
But manifestation should be fun.
So.. HAHAHAhaha. Have a good laugh about it and get into the presence of God.

Today's His presence was so potent that He made me kneed before the altar.
I was floaty-woozy.. Head was spinning round and listening to all what God got to say.
That's what I call.. AWESOME SUNDAY!!!!

I laid my best bet.
Not much people can hear God.. except people in Revival Nation!! Wooo hoo hoo!!!!
So who say church-going is not fun..
One thing after, another.. it's extremely fun.
So legalism churches die!!!

Let me be more radical..
I now like waiting upon God's calling for Bible college.
But I know..
It's not so soon.
I'm called to be a prophet. A listener and a messager of God.
Somemore..
Prophesied that it will be double portion of everything. And I'm sort of Elisha kind of prophet.
10 years of training den took over Elijah's mantle, with double anointing.

Everthing comes with a price.
I'm radical, so I'm willing to pay.
However..
It might be my life that I'm pay for.
But no need to worry...
The death will be resurrect.
Die and revive again.

God rulz..
Sleepy prophet sleeping soon.
Sunday's THE day.

P.S. Just to let you know. Many are called, but few are chosen. :)
A lousy morning..
Woke up on the wrong side of the bed.

But..
Went for Street Evangelism..
Awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Got a Prophesy for a lady,
but didn't have the chance to tell her. Sigh...
Met with a uncle whom the Holy Spirit gave me a converstation starter sentence in Chinese, which I had the courage to speak to the guy. He rejected. Bleah!!!
Met another uncle by Kallang River..
Roman Catholic. Nice to chat with..
Didn't really quite share the gospel with him..

Sleepy prophet will do it once more and again and again and again for the glory of the Almighty One. Yeeha!! MORE!!!

Sleepy prophet will dream dreams tonight.
Be gone in GodSpeed...

P.S. must pray for people after sharing the gospel. Haaaa...
No mood to blog. >.<

Had a -blank- day.
Tired as usual, 'cos I was dancing when doing QT.
Manifesting?? Na..
He turned my morning into dancing.
I danced on my studytable.

Nearly fall.
But didn't. :)

Afternoon was a shocker.
Jazz smashed my wooden 'magic' wand into bits and pieces. Sad..
I thought I got myself a solid good skined branch. But I was definitely wrong. :(
From one long stick to 4 short sticks spread with her saliva. Wet and slimy. Doggy style. A strong pungent scent invaded my nose. Bleah... >.<

Back to morning..
Crashed Suntec to accompany WeiJun for the Food Fair @ level 4.
Food's good. Look good. Smells good. But price.. BAD!!
It's like night market in air-conditioned area.
East meets West. Major Cuisine Crossover.

Everything looked sinful.
I can't afford additional weight to pound on me.
Have to watch my diet closely.
I might have a extra 'tyre' around my waist soon.
WhatEVER...

Purchased something for Cousin after that.
Purpose Driven Life, from Lifebookshop
E purple devotion book that changed me.
40-day devotion.. I didn't complete the book.
I stopped @ the 39th day.
It wasn't the season yet to end the book. With a FULLSTOP.
I brought that same book for him.
This morning just remembered that yesterday was his Bday.
1 week before mine. :)

Pang Seh WeiJun @ 12:30 and dropped by Zi Yi's place.
Jazz..
Her place was one of the 'Ulu Ulu' estate..
Best place to slack in the huts, by the playground and watch kids in blue RC uniform, having fun there. Sliding down the slides. Playing hide-and-seek with other kids. Rocking the see-saw and spring-attached rocking animals mount on the cushioned ground. With maids, sitting by the red brick that encircled the funland, chatting and sharing their life with one another. Everyone is having a great time of their own.

Observing their actions.
Smile.
Enjoy the breeze that blow against my ruddy cheeks..
Allowing my jet-black hair to ride the wind wave. Greasy hair I have..

Nope..
Jazz was active. She wanted to move here and there.
Going in circles and sniffing for something.
Her scent.. I presume.
To backtrack all her marked terrorities.
I was dragged along with the abit faulty lash..
She's powerful. Bleah.. >.<

That spurred me to imagine..
What type of personality I want for my doggy next time, if I'm getting one.
Independent.
Mellow.
Meek.
Average size that within my control.
Dun anyhow lick people. That's for sure.
Lovable.
Understandable.

Na.. too troublesome. Unless the dog's ordained by God..
Com'on just imagine that..
God's dog!!

Den bus ride with Zi Yi, after the dog walk..
Bus 82 den Bus 153 den Bus 135 ?? Forgotten liao..
Crashing Chun Keat's place. Mansion sia..
Estimate 50 metres radius from the Cedar Eye.. :)

I dun really like his watch dog. Black rascal.
Chip of the old block, I would say..
Chun Keat and Jessica are skinny and wild.
Jessica is abit out of control.
A mixture of confusion and wildness in her eyes.

Leaped on people with no reason.
Unable to perceive what she wants.
A stray dog..
She scratched me. My forearm and my legs.
An ill-disciplined dog that fear only those who punish her.
Terrible...

Feeling lost in his house. Doing nothing.
We decided to return to our childhood castle - playground.
Swings. We encamped all the 3 swings.
Fixed one that was stuck by inconsiderate rogue.
Swinged. Boring...
Took the skate scooter for a spin.
Explored the estate. Barked by doggies. Raced along the streets.
Fun..

Time to go.
Everyone went different ways.
Boringly fun day. Dry though, but with a sip of enjoyment.

Sleepy prophet.
Recharging my brain juice.
Wrapping up Cousin's belated Bday present later..
I got this feeling..
someone is going to die.
either me or someone else,
someone prominent to me.

I can smell Death along the corridor.
Dunno lar. Maybe I'm too stress up after cleaning up the house.
I need to unwind. Channel out.

I wonder..
What is love actually?
How do you know that u like someone..
that you really sure that you want to spend
the rest of your life with him or her.
Someone who makes your day beautiful..
With the first thing in your mind, in the morning, is to greet him/her..

STOP!!
Dun think too much.
Later stress up again.
Bleah!!!!

Sleepy Prophet out..
Stayed @ home.
House-cleaned the whole day, since I woke up until now.

It still looks the same, with a bit more spacious.
I didn't know it can be so stressful to clean up this rubbish-filled house.
Had cuts and bruised everywhere, cleaning this den that thing fell on me. Squashed but conscious enough to pin my way clear.

Dry hands, freckled fingers.
Sweaty body, smells like detergent.
Belah!!

Burnt out.
Slummer is what I need now and soon, otherwise I will become physco..
I'm a sleepy prophet.
I picked up something from Da Vinic Code novel, so...
If you are able to figure out this stanza,
you will know what's in my heart for this Special Someone..

'Miles oil Voyeur'

Den you will know who I really like..
Enjoy.

Woo..
it took me like one hour plus to scrabble..
haha.. it's quite entertaining to do so.

Sigh.. wanted to blog.
But now, after squezzing all my brain juice to figure out.
Braindead.
So going back to read Bible and Dan Brown's novel to recharge.
And Strumming my guitar with new strings.
I prefer the latter. :)
I blog a super long one before this..
den com hang.

darn..
Forget it..
Going back to strum guitar..
Back to normal..
It's hoilday now!! Yeeha!! Woo hoo hoo..
Let me see..
4 days of churching. From Friday all the way to Monday. Wow!! Xiong sia... :)
But I enjoy it very very much. All these sermons and outlines were revelation to me.

This morning, I did QT for abt one-and-a-half hrs. Awesome sia..
Den viewed my Bapitism Video to mark down my prophesy. Haha... Awesome X 2
Took me abt half-an-hour to figure out my fashion.. den decided to reuse my clothes. Ha!

Took train and was late. Dumb enough not to remember the change in location, ended up sprinting to Swensene and back to Orchard station.. On the way, brought Cookiess... ha! DOUBLE Chocolate chip !!! :) and a cookie loplipop (did i get it right?) for Iyzan.

People were furiously waiting for my arrival.
But the truth was that I was lost.. Orchard still a learning place for me. :)
We went Coffee Bean for 'liquid' lunch, but the guys 'piang se' me for food court, for some real food. :P I chose some ice blend thingy and bleah!!! it's horrible. I still prefer my own mix.. ice blend coffee with extremely lots of hot milk cream. Fat though, but i'm too thinny..

Gals got salads and ice blends as well..
And I caused Matthais to have gastic, 'cos of my lateness.. Bleah!
Just a vestige of disappointment with myself.

But before that..
Candy came. :)
Very very long time never see her liao..
Er.. navy top with white mini bottom.
Hair down and spirit's high...
But no high-pitch laughter.. her lover no.1 wasn't there. :(
I glad that she's able recover from you-know-what-I-referring.

Many came with a few 'grounded'.. I assume. -hint hint-
By the way, it's Iyzan's Birthday with no cake to celebrate..
Kind of impromptu, so very rushy.. Bleah!

I dunno what..
But it's kind of wasting time for me..
That's for me only.. I dunno abt the rest, I hope they enjoy themselves..
Movie den no movie. Neoprint for gals den the guys were kissing air, waiting for them. But i took the opportunity to memeroize the Pasta Mania menu and... forgot liao. Ha! Glanced at cute things with Zi Yi and walked...
Ended up Mat and Chun Keat playing pool, while the rest watched den I left.

Walked a distance, Bus 16 to indoor den Bus 11 to church. :)

I dunno what they were planning to do today, so I zipped up and waited for time to pass.. Morning free and early afternoon, until 3 plus.. Individual Administration Training @ 4 in church. Ha!! Did library inventory and logistics. :P

Life's per normal..
My vendetta with a person who characterised me as flirt is dissolved. AMEN!!!
Love what you do and do what you love.
Two great keys to success are love and fun.

Have fun doing what you do.
Enjoy life and see good days.

Loving your work works.
If you stop loving it and having fun doing it, it’ll drag.

You could change it so you love it again.
You could change your attitude so you have fun again.
You could take a break and get fresh ideas for it.

Whatever it takes, get fired up about what you do!
Passionate people change the world.

Quote:
‘Enthusiasm and persistence can make an average person superior.
Indifference and lethargy can make a superior person average’ - William Ward.
Actually for once..
I find my life more interesting than others..
Okie.. not to compare, but by looking at them and how they spend their life.
I think my life is full of adventures..

It's like a revelation to me. Yeeha!!
It's like a crash course of the experience of a lousy life, den the dark ages and finally all the crazy life experiences, which some might not even have..
I had finished a crash course of really putting God as your priority and He messed it up to discipline me for good, so as to prepare me for the next season.

Let me see..
Evaluation period.

The weeks of Contemplating of Putting which JCs as my first three months...
I forego the choice of following my secondary school friends and went to SRJC to do something there. Something that even myself was also unsure of.

The weeks of SanPleg...
Decided to mark out SanPleg destiny and gel with the OG. Made good buddies with them. Got to know everyone well and had loads of fun with them. Amazing opened up my introvert-self.

The weeks of Subject Selection...
Sought Him and decided to put my trust in Him, as David did when he was facing Golith, placed all his faith in that slingshot. I placed my faith in that slingshot and took up history..

The weeks of 1A04...
A new environment.. a new friends to make. Losing abit of my passionate SanPlegh. Abit depressed by a person commenting me as a flirt!!! Okie.. I forgave her, but she dun accept my apology. Awwwww.. poor Zhi Han.

The weeks of Cederians..
Putting a marist with a cederian equals to social sucide. I didn't care. They are great people, who really know how to kill time. That's for sure. Meet someone wonderful and thru her met the rest. Grool gals.

The weeks of RocMoc..
Exposed myself to the possibility of killing my body. Pushing myself over board. Workout like a fool, but enjoyed the torment very much. With the satisfaction of reaching the summit. Made friends with a bunch of Rockclimbing fanatics.

The weeks of Meeting old primary School Friends..
Never meet for like 4 years and found out that everyone looks the same. The same look and the same attitude. Haha..

The weeks of Choir..
Madam Tan! my pastor's friend. Ha! also my friend as well.. I thought that I will never ever see her again, but guess again.. I made her just like that and I was automatically enrolled into choir. The people in choir are crazy and slacky.. All the songs are booooooooooo!!! So dry and rusty.. But had a fair share of fun and laughter..

The day of Guitar..
Joined Guitar CCA and met Weifen! And on the same day, got to know BERrrr better as well. Plus since that day, I luv to strum Guitar more than ever, thus fell in love with.... -hint hint- :)

The week of flu..
I was ill for the first time for Year 2005. It was also the week of the CNY banner competition which we reign 3rd champion.. Yeeha! The guys did nothing and gals did all the job. Ha! can't forget it. Ever..

The week of History project..
I was Maria Antoinette. Ha! Asking a boy to act as a mature lady.. forget it! ha! Who were my members? Er... Aniza, Izyan, Jia Li, Bi Ru and me.. Haha!! It was the most ridiculous thing I ever did in my life.. And we won chocolate for the best play. Of course ma.. 2 groups only.

The week of Transition..
Pastor was coming back soon..
Church was going thru some tough time and I was inevitably affected. Spiritual attacks.. BG relationship was lurking into the mist of every person. Almost everyone.. and I, by default, got attacked first den God spoke about it.. Bla bla bla..

The week of Pastor's arrival..
Power of God was manifesting the Church..
It was awesome.. But there's a price to pay for everything.. I have to really put God as my priority and He spoke more and stronger each day. Wow.. for one side and Boo.. for another.

The week of Soaking..
Soak in God presence. Awesome.. but again have to pay the price for that anointing and God began to tell me what to expect for the week ahead. Tough and very depressing walk of faith. I became very depressed. Emotions raging like never before.

The week of Committment..
I had to forego, the chance to spend more time with friends.. I had to do what God wanted me to accomplish.. I wanted Him so much that I risked all my best bet.. it was fruitful, but I was miserable. That's the feeling of 'follow me and carry the cross.'

The week of CNY..
Rubbish week.. I got no idea what I did for that week. I think I did master to fold a box for good.

The week of Part I: Confusion..
Limited time to accomplish unlimited wants.. I wanted to do God's stuff, wanted hang out with friends and have to comply to help my parents with the family business. Bleah.. distorted soul. So much to do, with 24 hours on my hand.. Slept for 2 hours everyday. Not to forget school work.

The days of Chingay..
I met Lau Po (wife), which by the way.. I dunno her name still. Ha! I met other awesome people. Both from SRJC and outside. People from 2.8 and some strangers who I had to moviate.. Haha.. loads of fun and laughter.. :) I had pinkiness hair on the actual day. I had trouble deciding who to follow - my OG or my predominately cedar friends.. so how many people have such problem? ME! haha..

The week of Part II: fustration..
Things were catching up with me.. History project and all the HW. The uncertain releasing of 'O' level results.. that was the week, I tasted almond jelly with the cedarians.. right? I think so... ha! I was late for RocMoc training.. and also the roadrace as well ?? I think..

The week of Joy and Sorrow..
Got fairly well good grades.. The headache of JAE. The condemned week with the Singpass not working and got so stress up with everything. So how many people got the chance of getting a spoilt Singpass for like 5 times and went to the CPF building twices.

The week of Part III: Emotional breakdown..
For no reason.. and with some reasons.. I broke down and wept. Mum's against me in all my doing. bla bla bla.. To sum up - a lousy week den.

The week of Benny Hinn..
The worse of all the week. But I was healed by J-E-S-U-S, the man behind Benny Hinn. Awesome right!!! Weifen! would surely agree to it. Den I got a free ride home from her kind daddy who proposed to drive me home.. ha! I also went to Sentosa with my 1A04 buddies to get wet. Ha!

The Sunday of Understanding..
That's today.. All are made clear and I'm fine with even another lousier week to come. I will embrace it with love and hope that I can survive it.

So...
My life isn't that bad after all..
Since almost everyday, I made new friends.
Whether in school or outside..
So my life ROXS after all..
I so preceived it.
God Roxs after all.. He made me though. Ha!
I luv my life.. Zhi Han's life.
I just read my blogging for the week.
I can't believe I really type those things..
sooooooooooooo just not me.

Maybe when I'm really over my vertical limit..
I will do the utmost extreme..

Now..
I'm awaken from my terrible nightmare.
I didn't know that I have still so much burden inside me.
For once, I remembered my childhood..
Usually they are just bits and pieces of vague memory..
I have poor memory, that's why.

Still remember clearly..
I felt terrible yeterday.
Extremely horrible.
I woke up at the usual eight o'clock morning, with bustling traffic noise invading my world. I did know what to do with my morning... I took my usual stationaries and bible, decided to do abit of bible reading to brighten up my saturday morning. But It didn't go well, spiritual attack lurked into my already bitter soul. Under the influences of my flesh, I unintenionally log online and typed all my fustrations..

When I'm radical..
I might run around my neighbourhood estate starkly naked. Kidding...
Trying to be abit lame here..

Den I went to sleep. I forced myself to sleep. I made myself to sleep. I wanted to sleep, so as to forget all my past. Den I did dozed off..

I woked up at 1 p.m.. I felt even worse. Worse then ever. Den I sinned. Den I regreted. Den i dunno what to do. And for once.. I thought of Fen!. Den I thought of Benny Hinn. Den I thought of God.

"GOD! I'm dieing now. I asking you, pleading you to heal me for once. Otherwise, my faith will die and I will never believe in YOU ever. I'm standing at my last frontier of my faith."

With that..
I went for Benny Hinn Healing Conference.
I was so desperate not to lose that feeling.
I want Him.
I took a cab down. I went to press for money and in my mind, going to indoor stadium was my priority.. I want Him. So badly that I was abit jumpy when taxis weren't available. Den 3 empty taxi came. Woolala.. I board the cab.
Den the miracle started to happen..
I'm now in a confusion stage.
I dunno what I want for myself.

When a boy becomes a man..
Things will change. Emotions will change. Everything will change.
And I will inevitably change as well.

I dunno where to begin..
Now this question really troubles me.
'Who am I? Really.'

I was an empty shell with no life at all,
according to what youths are supposing be doing.
Now, I'm catching up with almost everything I have been missing all my life on how to be liberial and rebellious. That's a revolution in my life.

Shackles and chains were bounded on my limbs, controlled by my parents and manipulated by them. It's not that I hated them, but I dunno how to express my desires to be released from all the bondages and to lead my own carefree life. I wanted to be like a normal modern child, just want to be treated as one.

Then and now, I'm still living as a child of their era.. Meek and complete submission to them, to do whatever is commanded with no room of negotiation. If show any sign of defiance or displease towards them, unpleasant treatment is the consequence by them. In their eyes, or more in my mum's eyes, I just an adolescent who dunno how cunning and evil the society is.. an innocent and naive kid. And this.. give me alot of pressure.

What is the most hurting thing a parent can comment on?
Its comparing you with others. Both physically and academically.
Everytime, when she trys to drive a nasty point across my cheeks. She will surely compare me with my cousins and my brother, using them as the ideal example to follow. Making sure, that I have to work extremely hard to become like them and using their faults to 'curse' me if I dun listen to her.

She kept on pressing all my faults that I have committed when I was young, to remind me about my derived childhood. A time of fast learning and the strengthening of language culture. I was derived from visiting library and the lesson of self-responsiblity. I was forced into the art of the business world.

For some who dunno about me.
I was placed under the care of studentcare centre for 2 years before graduating with a PSLE certificate. I was not entrusted by my ownself as a child. I was completely underestimated, which that trust was not even breached and they didn't believe in my own ability to care for myself. That was so not truth at all..
However, contrary to that, my parents were more liberial in my committment to go to church on Sunday by my own. To have that 'trust' which I wouldn't skip Sunday school and go out with my friends, or slack at home to be entertianed by lots of cartoon. To board the train by my own and settle my own lunch..

Sunday school..
In there, I found the difference inside of me.
Kids attending church, because of the presence of their parent.
But I wasn't. I attended Sunday school, because it was a routine.
There was always this emptiness after Sunday school, when many went off with their parents, telling stories about the lessons and I, myself, was walking alone, casting my green eyes at them. I felt extremely derived. That's something that was hidden and covered up for years. My old wineskin that I couldn't rip off. It's still hurt my heart literially when I'm typing this..

Since then, I was seen to be a very independent person as I was the only surviving member of my family to represent the Kng family's involvment in my old church. Everyone who knew my family kept on asking how everything going on and sending their regards to them. Smiling and commenting that I was a goooooooood boy. So sensible.

It's not the praising and commenting I was sought for,
but to be in presence with my family in church.
But I didn't let my parents know, for they were so busy that Sunday was and is another working day for them. From morning to night. Non-stop...

Anxiety is the word to describe my feeling.
And another thing for those who dunno me that well.
I used to have serious acne problem, until my whole face bloated up with pimples everywhere. I was in serious condition and that was even long before puberty. Anxiety is the root of pimple inflammation.

I dunno about other people's life.
I dunno whether have they even gone thru such period of their life.
Sometime, I look at people who have good facial skin and leading a carefree life. I wonder if they understand why some aren't like them.
Those who looked trendy and wear awesome clothes with fashion beyond my areana..
those who have maids or mum as housewife..
those whose houses look really like home sweet home..
those who dun need to work for their whole life..

Sometimes...
I want to tell people about my life.
To find someone to chat to. Someone tangible.
Someone.. but i can't find one.
For sure, no one have gone thru such discrimination and torment.

At time, I wished that I was born in the 3rd world countries where I just need to care for my 3 meals and survival. Rather to be put thru all these by myself.

I used to find comfort by listening to my friends' problems: BG relationship and all their accounts during their week. And find comfort when reading the bible and compare my situtation I was with theirs, but now I can't find comfort in them anymore.

That's why..
many have commented that I looked sad.
I quarreled with my parent not long ago, a few days ago and I have been crying non-stop for the weeks.. All about the demands, she laid for me. My love for her was slowly turning into hatred.
She told me,

"If you have any problems, you can tell me and I will try to settle it with u."

I have lots of problem with YOU!!!! I sooooo want to tell her that..
Darn! my eyes are wet. I'm losing my emotions now.
I really feel that blogging is my only way to express all my bitterness, that she, who is not IT savvy, will never find out.

I'm always by myself in all the things that are thrown to me.
For some who dun know again.
My house is though a junk place. Stacks and stack of newspaper everywhere, yellow and filthy. The whole house is in complete messy and the last time we did house cleaning was 1999, according to the documents that I have found. And I was given this responsiblity to clear up this DAMN HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!
No one helps me. NO ONE!!
Den when I starts to clear up the place, one by one. My mum complained that I will throw away her things. She just dun trust me.

I got to stop blogging.
I'm losing my emotions.
I finally made it for morning assembly.
I reached school at 7.35 a.m..
Another short day I guess, but was exceptionally short with abit of emotional hiccups.
My guess is that I missed God. Belah! >.<
I haven't been talking to Him much abt my life.
It's more like lovesick..

Lessons were dry today. Econs was more livelier. GP was a failure with some impressive comments from her abt my views on ' Shattered Glass'. Chinese was movie time. Ponned Maths.

I was quite amazed by my buddies' reaction,

" ZHan! Repeat what you just say.."
" I'm ponning GP!"
" WOW!! that's the first time I hear this.."

O well.. I didn't know I have such a reputation on stake, so gave into their reaction. I blindly entered the den of 'death'- GP lesson..

Now..
I'm in deep self-discussion with my sub-conscious: what and when did I say something that resulted in a scandal of my own.. At times, I'm known to be confusing in my speech that may accidentally spark a scandal without my own prior knowledge of my own actions. Actions that give birth to uneasy incidents. Both the victim and I..
Maybe is the overly zealous reaction I have with some individuals that undoubtfully incurred a chain of envy.. Na!! Kidding..
The bottom of the story: Be sociable but to a certain extent. >.<
I must try to ignore all these rumors. -concentrating-

I need to know when to turn off the flow of unedifying saying..
And turn on the mouth of wisdom.

Sentosa, island of drooling and more drooling..
Yup. After like soooooo long. It's my first time stepping onto the white sand along the raging waves clashing against the cleanest beach (in S'pore context).
Zi Yi, Tina, Celine, Jia Ying and Yan Fang..
Mattatis, Xian Jun, Chun Keat and ME!!
9 Beach Rummers..
Only Xian Jun and I were the daring ones to display unashamed of our imperfectly toned 'hot' bodies with obviously tanned forearms.. :) We were the MAN!! Ha!

Zi Yi, Jia Ying and I were the brave ones who tested the water first, while the rest fled to the changing room to do the necessary. The water is green clean and very, as in really really very salty.. A mouth of it, will keep me on low-salt diet for a least 3 hours for my kidney to function and process it.

O well.. Holy Spirit just spoke to me.
I was contemplating why it's so Sssssssssssssalty.
He replied that it was to keep out the marine species to infest the beach.. Woo..

Ha! I'm back online with God. :)
Psalm 119 was the connection.
I did a semi-soaking and sleeping.. den His presence came down like a cloth, thrown over my restless body. He spoke to me and ministered to me.
After that, I rose to have my supper and got into praise and worship by strumming guitar, read Proverbs and chatted with Him abt things that mattered to me. :)

Awesome to be One with Him after so much of a struggle during the week..
I was though a trekker lost in the jungle with a not-so-functioning compass. I lost my direction in life. I'm a person of clear cuts. Either black or white, like Right or Wrong. I dun like the feeling of doing something that displease Him and get back to square one to start all over again. I want MORE!! of Him and accelerate in my calling.

I want definite answers to my question.
I luv to raise questions and try to drown Him with them.
But He looks at my heart and decide whether to answer them. :)

Okie..
Sentosa was loads of fun.
Water splashing and sand lauching..
I was the master mind who caused Chun Keat to lose his specs when he was brushing off the sand on his face by the sea.. And conclusion.. Girls are rougher and wilder than guys.

Sentosa.. another site of memories.

I came across the Art of Killing Time (Part II): Self-photoshooting..
People just can't get enough portrait of themselves when a camera of any kind lands on their fingertips. Snapshots after snapshots..

Oh yar.. I found my childhood. Gameboy!!!
I couldn't believe that it overcame the technology discrimination, in which I still find it entertaining. I could feel the aura on my fingertips, pressing and controlling..

We reached mainland around 5:30 pm..
After a long discussion, we went on our separate directions.
I met up with Wei Jun to have dinner and also to help him tie his G2000 brand new bluish poker-dots tie. We met at the North face of Indoor Stadium.
Leisure park is now a dead building with the sense of eerieness..
The forsaken palace of bustling activities over the weekends..

We ended up eating by the Kallang River, where we chatted until the night turned into darkness. He had to report for choir practice. Bleah!
Actually, I have certain connection that surely enables me to crash the rehearsal, but I passed. Dun want to trouble people.. Not very nice though. I went home and home sweet home I went.

Tomorrow's Benny Hinn..
So have to sleep now to be physically awake.
Sleep! ZZZZzzzz...
School's short.
Woke up on time, but di-lee da-lee took my own sweet time.
I knew someone else will be late too, but I ignored that knowledge.
I decided to take bus 51 without the prior knowledge of the change to the bus route. And landed up somewhere far away from school, approixmately 50m radius away. I was fine with it, so made up my mind to go Macs for breakfast and to do some work. Bleah!! I dun wan to be caught late and to know who was also late as well.. Not Monday Blues, more like Wedensday Loner..

I just want to have the morning to myself for awhile..
I missed the loney days where being sociable is like social suicide to me, which was a mindset that overthrown, trampled and disposed. I sort of missed God. As in, I haven't be talking to Him very much during the week, except for important matters that needed to be get done with. That relationship between us just -blank- , I dunno what happened..

Frankly speaking, I'm in love Her.. if this sound much better.
Ever since, I received Her into my life. The Revolution of Love broke inside of me. Her love just off sets all the bitterness within me, not instantly but over a period of time.

Today, during History tutorial..
Edwin Tan relieved for Ms Koh's absence.
We had a relatively fierce conversation with broken desk chairs and etc.. an inside joke for those presented. I dunno whether to judge him as a nice guy or just a hypocrite, by the things he said. However, I was slightly agreed to a certain extent on his conclusion speech before we were released:

'We need someone who is greater and more powerful than us to take care of us.'

If you were to asked me whether I'm willing to die immediately and not feel abit of regret, 5 years ago.. I will beg you to release me from all the agonies and suffering. Guillotine me then.
But now, I will beg you to length my days on earth.. even to the point of resurrecting me. I haven't seen the great multiudes turning to God and the majastic miracles that was promised to be 10-folds of the Pentacost churches..

I haven't see the lame walk and the blind see. I want to be a part of the spiritual warfare that might even need my life.. I want to be the flagbearer of the Jesus' Army. My pastor's armor bearer. My leaders' cupbearer.

My results are the fruits of hope, love and faith. I hoped for that results. God love me so much that it came to pass. I worked in the walk of faith. He honored his promise..
Sometimes I think..
why do we work so hard when if we truely put God as our primary concern?
For 'O', I didn't work as hard as my prelims..
I just asked him for which subject topics to pay more attention with and which questions to forego to do well.. I did everything by faith. I prayed. I seeked him. I asked Him and he told me.
Many people just criticized me to be arrogent, for acting smart.
Actually, I'm very stupid one..

'God strengthen those who are weak. He works thru people's weakness.'

He works his miracles thru stupid students like me, whose teachers and parents had no hope pinned on me, except for my spiritual parents who did everything they could to make sure I get a decent result. And God honored that.

I knew I made many silly mistakes for Emaths and didn't do 2 major questions for Amaths, but still can get A1 for both.. I dun believe it lor. You see.. I made a conclusion that we cannot see things thru the natural way. Things happened the supernatural ways and it will always be like that. Try to rational and you will get more confused.

If I were to tell people that I have a Guardian angel with me always, looking out for me. Saving me from all the traps and snares that might kill me, and supporting me when my walk with God is diffcult.. how many will believe? Many will just brush me off and smile that my naive thoughts on religion.

Why people keep on thinking that and treating Christianity as a religion, bounded by legalism.. being a Sunday Christian only and a normal being on the rest of the week. Sometimes, I dunno why people have this mindset that church is only on Sundays.. This is what I called religion. Bleah!!

Why can't I go to church on weekdays to spend my afternoon serving the church? This unhealthy mindset of Sunday church-ing must die!! Christianity is all about the relationship between God and man, and this is always been the case since Adam is created, since the earth starts to be filled with human being, Homo Sapien..

Simple things like..
I love to go to church because got pretty girls and handsome boys..
WHATEVER PEOPLE!! You are missing the point of attending church service.

'A single day in your courts is better than a thousand days else where.'

You need a band, so that worship will be better with better music..
HUH?? How did Adam worship God? By hitting branches in the tree trunk? NO!! He worshipped with his actions from his heart. I'm sure the only job he had then was to name the animals by his choice.

The most funniest of all..
is you do this and that, so you are a better christian than some others.
HELLOOOO!!! I doubt they even know the meaning of 'christian' lor..
It's 'being a little Christ', which is being like Jesus, strive to be like Him.
I dun think they remembered or even read about the conflict Jesus' disciples had, before Jesus was mocked at, spat upon and crucified.. the disciples quarreled among themselves on who was the greatest of all the 12 and who would most likely sit on his right-hand side... Isn't it the same situtation here?

Okie..
ZHan cool down..
How did I get to here? Sounded like rebuking..
Bleah!!

When I know some of my friends who did better than me for prelims, but didn't for 'O'.. and they complain and mutter against God for not blessing them.
I want to tell him my coke-cola formula of E Success..

'Seek first His Kingdom and His Righteoueness and all will be added to you.' Mat 6:33 NKJV

All the formulas to successful B-G Relationship, marriage, business, studies and everything are in this book that had countless critics since it was offically published - E BiblE.

'Those who read it, will find wisdom and understanding.'

Of course..
There are some who just read the verse and assume..
' Seek first His Kingdom...' as in 'Seek ONLY first His Kingdom...'
Den things dun go well.
DUH!!! One more verse to add on..

'You reap and you sow.'

BINGO? So to all those who are faint-hearted and have read this BOOMING revelation, to pin your hopes on God once more and stay in tune.. for He's going to do great stuff soon. Yeeha!!

By the way..
I met Jazz today.
Zi Yi's favorite.. Ha!
I also kind of like her too.. >.<

I brought Mac breakfast for Class today..
so sinful of me.. Bleah!!
Just like the great old days when I had to takeaway chicken rice from cedar market for Scout activities.. E Great committment to accomplish - slacking while the rest suffer.. Muhahaha..
I have like 7 tea on my hands.. so like deliveryman! Bleah!!

Skipped tutorials and attend lectures and PE only..
Met BERrr and gang in canteen.. they left soon later.
Met Lau Po and her crashed SRJC gang..
Met a few Aura people. Many have withdrawn..
1A04 was still in acceptablly size.. Chun Keat's happier today. -hint hint-

Went Hougang Mall after school.
Zi Yi wanted to buy dog stuff.. the hard bone thingy for her to chew. Not Zi Yi lar..
Eat at the foodcourt upstairs den went straight to Zi Yi's relative's place @ puggol.
And I found out that many of them have dogs or had them.. ha!
Poor Xian Jun's bottle.. ha! defiled by Jazz!

Okie.. time to clean up the junks in my room..
most likely to clear my clothes..
For once, I dunno how to end my blog..
er... er... BYE! :)
-: Now.. Pissed! I accidentally switched off my CPU and now trying to re-blog :-

Today was a short day.
Woke up late, 'cos I was too overly-tired.
Mummy purposely didn't want to wake me.
She's against me in schooling.
Bleah!!

-End of Blogging-

ZHan!! Go get a life!
I was soooooooo chatting with Helen.
Ha! God was speaking thru me to her.
I'm abit manifesting here.. I can feel something on my fingertips..

Morning was madness..
Am I crazy or what?
Mum is against me to go to school, but I argued that I want to go..
Yesterday was another day of one-side quarreling...
She was digging into all my past and repeating everything again. Bla bla bla bla..
She screamed at me for not doing what she wants me to do now. She wanted me to visit the RJC website and learn something from there, and with the dumb history project on my hand to complete( which is now scraped off after a long discussion with history dean today. Yeeha!!), of course I will be super pissed off lor..

Let's talk abt Mum first..
She's very contradicting..
Yesterday's quarrel was the fine example..
Firstly, she was all blaming me for listening to my relatives' advise more than her and not doing what she asked me to.. bla bla bla and the list goes on. She said that I ignored her teaching and everything, which was sooooo not true. I hated the way she phrased the whole-you-didn't-listen-to-me rebuking, which was only her side of the story. Luckily this time, she didn't include the you-always-read-bible-and-junks-and-didn't-study-for-'O's, 'cos all was proven with the fairly well results I got with God's grace.. Bleah!!

The reason I seem to be listening to my relatives was that, she was too involved with her job during that time and you know.. young boy going thru puberty need emotional support the most thru out the whole growth thingy, den where was she? Either busy with paperwork or in her room sleeping soundly.. Den I was always having activities with my relatives, so I just listened to their advice for once, den she treated it as thou I have committed a great iniquity. Bleah!!!

She's been repeating it for years and years.. I wonder if that's the only thing she remembered, that's why she keep on using the same old clinche excuse for my disobedience. Bleah!! Haha.. think of it, it's quite funny..

The funniest part of yesterday's quarreling was she mentioning that I didn't follow her study method when I was young, in which I dun recall anything method was imparted to me. Den she repeated and repeated..
However, during the 2 months before 'O's, she didn't care about my welfare, except the time she needed my service. Den she blamed me for not studying?? what was she trying to drive upon!?!?!

I tahan.. I didn't say anything but nodded my head whether or not i agreed to her accusations. I was like... 'Luv your mama!! lalala.. Luv your mama!! lalala...' I was weeping in front of monitor, I was like trying to stay cool and poised myself upright. But was futile. I burst into tears...

Okie.. let me tell u something. Be careful of what you pray for. Seriously BE CAREFUL!!!
I remembered praying for the ability to cry, because I couldn't cry and it's hard to not to cry if you have to cry.. Get it? So now, this year.. I have been crying alot as in more than 10 odd times.. almost 80% in God's presence, the other 20% u should know..

Okie..
Crying is not only little girls' way to get out of serious trouble anymore.
It's my ticket to rest my ears and cool my steaming blood, which is already above the boiling point. And it was proven authentic, with warranty chopped.. She stopped with a lousy ending.

'You are crying, because what I said was true right?'
No.. You weren't.
'Yarrrrr...' i replied with all the fluid blocking my stuffy nose. Peace at last.

I'm laughing as I try to recall what happened yesterday night.. Not laughing out loud, but smirking..MAN!!! what a night I had! But it was great though.. >.<
At least I know, mum is abit radical enough to 'scold' me.

Actually, Daddy and her were quarreling, den in the end...
Mum gave in and Daddy went for his friend's birthday party..
Left me and mum at home. Finished liao. I was sooooooo prepared to get scolding, rebuking, disciplined and vocally slaughtered. At least, when she spoke out all her displease, let her anger dispersed at someone like me.. she will feel better. If it was someone else, I confirmed that person will surely cannot tahan her.. Her tongue is like poison to the soul. Every word, she uses surely spark the hell-on-earth fight. Bleah!! that's Mum..

M.U.M = Mother Umbrage Me
Kidding!!! I luv my Mum.. even if she has to be radical. So be it...

Another thing about my Mum..
She's so opposite of other Mothers..
Even though, there's this chinese children song,

'Tian xia de ma ma tou si yi yang di'

My mum is just soooooooooo against me to go schooling, which is soooooo weird.
But I luv her. I can sleep late until my body clock says: Good morning, mama's boy!! Den i bounce out of my bed and slowly stroll to collect my uniform and wash up. Smiling a her and trying to perceive what she is going to do.. which usually she just smile back. : )

Okie.. Mama's boy go and study liao..
And also talk to Heavenly Daddy about my problems..
FATHER!!! Here I come..
Yeeha! God Rulzzzzz always...
I luv my church.
And it still stands.
But I luv them MORE!! than ever.
I luv their imperfection.
Cos I can see God been doing great stuff in everyone.

By the way, life's back to more than normal..
I'm going for street evangelism, empowered by the Holy Spirit.
I'm going to prophesy and bring down miracles..
Bring down heaven on earth.

It was quite a while ago, when I had a dream that made no sense..
This dream is exactly same as today's activity..
I sat in the circle just as anyone else was and Pastor Char just popped out and sat beside me. Den I was shoved with the notes and the file for Prophetic Evangelism....

- Newspaper Break. Be Back soon in 10 mins' time-

Didn't read much.. Ha! I was sooooooooo chatting with friends.. bleah!!
Now things are also back to normal. History project and all the lessons, I wan to pon to play squash and get all sweaty and smelly.. Sigh.. tomorrow need to go and help Daddy to close shop. He's going for friend's wedding dinner @ 7:30 p.m.

O well.. I might not get to sleep tonight if I really wan to complete the history project before sunrise. I'm able to make it.. tried before 4 days no sleep and all work. So this is peanuts compared to that, somemore now I'm refreshed and renewed by God. Hehe.. But I have to be realistic.. not enough sleep will result in fatigue and explusive behaviour. Might accidentally mutter and slaughter some of my friends.. with my fist. Ooops!! Ha!

Prophetic Evangelism..
Den God just popped a question,

'Looks familiar?'

Den I was suddenly awaken from my morning maddness, cos I was wearing the Hot Pink Chingay Tee-shirt den abit 'high' in the spirit.. Den I scrolled down the page and saw the exact words that I saw..

'OH MY... that's a comfirmation to all that God's been doing.. YEEHA!!!'

I whispered that in my heart. I wanted to release that to the rest, but Holy Spirit told me that I might affect Pastor's thoughts den.. so I kept to myself and decided to release it here. So those who reads it will run with the vision. O well.. RUN WITH THE VISION!!

By the way, last Friday, assuming is the Friday that had passed. It's Sis Von's Birthday!! Man.. I'm such a forgetful person.. always forget to ask people's birthday.. Darn!! Just wrote her card this morning den wrote to the wrong person.. Bleah!! to some Nelson guy.. ha! Eeee..

Today's Prophetic Evangelism was awesome..
It was an exercise that really practically exercise our faith and gifts God has given to all those who believe in and entrust by Him. So it was cool. I was very scattered. very nervous. very scare that I might release the wrong word..

But Sis Von was very encouraging to me.
She was firm.. told me not to be worried. Bleah! that's me. Always overly worried that I might do the wrong thing or rock the boat too much. She's my leader lei..
However, I was abit hitting th jackpot there. So.. it's so cool to a true living Christian walking with God 24-7.. That's what I call: God RoXsss..

-With the Santa Claus lyrics playing as background music-
Benny Hinn is coming to town...
You better watch out, you better dun cry.
Benny Hinn is coming tonight..
Benny Hinn is coming to town...

U know what..
I soooooo wan his anointing to do great stuff for His Kingdom and see multiudes await for my arrival to do weird stuff.. But these are my selfish ambitions.
'The Seed might Dieeeeeeeeeeeeee...'
Lately, I have been picturing him calling me to the stage and he throws his coat over my shoulder. Anointing me with double his portion in his ministry. I wan that..
However.. Power comes with responsibility..
Wan more of God's power, be responsible with His anointing.
Easy to say, difficult to save..
Say say dun count.. cos,

'Faith without action mount to nothing..
Action without faith is the same.. '

Well.. let's hope that vision comes to pass this Friday or Saturday.

Just came back not long ago from a wonderful dinner with my relatives.
After all, the reason I feel that have discrimination towards me was because I closed myself.
Duh... every action, there's a reaction.
So today I decided to turn up for their invitation to celebrate for the 3 'Dragons' and 1 A level's good results. I didn't know they were very proud of me as well..

'Wow!! one of your best results ever! Keep up and today's for u!!'

Out of the abundent from your heart, your mouth speaks.
They had been praising me, since I sat down with them on the dinning table at Liang Court..
From you-are-very-sensible to keep-up-the-good-work..
God rulzz...
He made all these possible, den I shared about what I have been doing in church.. den they gave me the WOW-is-that-your-church look.. cool!! now my cousins wan to visit the church.. let God manifest them and change their perspective of you!!! AMEN!!

I told them abt the size of the church and abt street evangelism and prophetic evangelism.. all the great stuff God has beem doing in church. Ha!! God's great, isn't he?

The dinner was good.
Eaten abt 20 odd dishes.
Ate and chatted. We were the super troublesome and super loud bunch of people in the high-end resturant. We demanded for this and that. I think we had pissed the manager.. We gathered at 7:30 den left at 10+ with photos taken. Bleah!!

I also bought some girly girly thing for myself.. okie!! the pouch is not girly but the brand tag is.. it's in pink background with a bright sunflower on it. I dun like the current type of wallets on sale. I find that very irritating to carry about in my pocket. Den I decided to buy this and have fun. By the way, its blue to save guard those people who read this and wonder if my sexual preferance was distorted and reversed. Bleah!!

I'm so xcited..
I wan to try this prophetic evangelism tomorrow!!
Father God
Future
Friends and family
Fortune
F(ph)yiscal
the 5 things to pray for to activite the spiritual feelers and tap on God's friendster info. Ha!

Got to settle the History stuff now.
its 12:49 a.m. Monday!!
Yeeha!
Can you really measure happiness?
To a certain extent.. YES!!

I have just finished reading this TIMES article on the special report about the research on Happiness. I was quite with and against some of the things that they used to measure happiness and their theory behind their measurement..

However, I so glad to know what, when I did their test. I was exceedingly satisfy with my life.. In one way, it can be interpretated that I'm an easily contented person with no high expectations.. I totally agree to it.

My life in the beginning was extremely miserable.
Bitterness grew me and nutured me.
However, when Christianity became a relationship between God and myself, rather than a religion bounded by legalism. My destiny was rewritten..

Jesus, to a kid then was just a character I was spurred to want to meet.
All the stories about him made Him like an adventurer.
But, of all the godly characters, King David was the one that I really want to be. The story of Goliath vs David.. made me want to be MORE!! like him.

Now, when I'm doing bible studying by myself..
I'm still enticed by David.. His life and his accomplishments..
Not to even mention, our lifes seem to be alike.
The discrimination from the Daddy.. he was not presented before Samuel the priest to be anointed as King over Irsael.
The burden to submit to authority.. he did all the menial work and had to care for the sheep flock that is like working for the family business.
Music lover.. Just like me.
Struggle with lust.. Just like me.

So I know that if I place God before all my piorities..
My life will be as colourful as his and much much more interesting..
Imagine someone does a biography of your whole life.. AWESOME!!!

So isn't that wonderful to know, that what you are going thru.. someone who was powerfully used by God to accomplish great stuff, also went thru it. Somemore is long before you are even born.. I'm grateful for that. I'm not alone..

Even though, both of us are living in different time and space.. but our God is still the same as yesterday, today and tomorrow. So He's going to care for me as well and I will want to be another 'man after His heart'..

Let the misery die and live happily ever after..

Now I have better understanding why I faced depression for the past week.
Cos.. according to Newton's gravitational law..

'What goes up, will eventually comes down.'

Life can't be always happy happy, no trouble..
That's extremely positive, which is abnormal and unhealthy..
So.. the reason I was blue, was to pull me back to reality.

Have a bunch of Aura V friends was awesome.
Being one of the members of 1A04 was awesome
Meeting BERrrr was awesome.
Meeting other friends thru her was awesome.
To know RocMoc people was awesome.
To be able to adapt in SRJC was awesome.
To manifest like never before was awesome.
Everything was awesome.

If I did not experience the depressive state..
I will start to be easily contented, my confort zone will slowly shrink..
Happiness will be just like that. Meeting people and enjoy God's presence..
And the last thing, God ever wants, is His people to be complacence and be caught unnoticed.

Actually.. I got alot to type though.
But i'm exhausted and still have to type testimonals..
So i will keep the rest for the next time..
Woo.. -blink blink-
ZZZzzzz..
Watched Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events.
It was one of the movie that.. I watched with a blank mind.
I didn't resigter much about the movie..
Need to watch the second time to really appreicate..

For a reason, Jim Carrey was the best leading actor that I totally agree upon him to play as Count Olaf.. He 'possessed' the essential villainous core.
The kids.. Violet, Klaus and Sunny.. O well they are great actor and actresses as well..
Two thumbs up for them. And also the rest of the crew..

Now I'm reading some article about this. Bleah.

It's 3+ a.m. and I can't sleep..
Well, many reasons are contributing to my sleepless NOW!!

Went to Orchard today in my loud red trackpants with my Asics training singlet. I was quite daring of me to dress like that in Orchard.. But, that's me!
I feel very unconfortable in jeans and long pants, unless I have to don for the occassion, otherwise my slacky fashion will reign with many disapproval.
Today was the typical example..
The first question my dearest OG mates asked me,

'ZHI HAN!!! Why you dress until like that??'
'Er.. no money to buy clothes,' I'm soooooooooo a lousy liar.
Moment of silence and we continued the hottest topic in town:
How many point did u get and where are u going then...

Cineleisure..
Is it the same as Lido? Ha! Orchard Rd is still a learning place for me.
Once I stepped into the building. My immediate effect was that its gottan be a meeting place. And my sentiment was absolute..

First stop: Ticket Booth@ 5 level.
Elevator is one of the most impressive invention for lazy slops like me.
Wow!! the place does change..
I saw a gay in tight white long slevees cotten shirt.. James!! Ha!
And others were there too. I think from SRJC as well..
Had a gay chat with James and dug some useful info from him..
Any source is a good source.. Bleah!
Den OG wan to get some food and kill time before 2+.. Ha!
I'm just a follower and listener.. Days of leadership is out of post.

Next stop: Long John Silver..
They were all commenting over how many points did each other galfriend or boyfriend were getting.. den then POOF!!!
Guess what.. BERrrr was there with that what's-her-name. Again! I always forget people's name. Den Caroline was there and Kevin and also Joel (did I get their names right? Bleah..) and a new guy who was quite.. to himself. I intro myself but he just said,'Hi..' nonchalantly. O well.. best of luck to him.

BERrrr was just starting to eat den I appeared. She thought that they were my church friends. Er... Wow! does the church hang out together? Yar! by the Parta shop, unless going for street envanglism.. Muhahaaa!! so Xciting.

O well, my presence wasn't for long den POOF !! i'm gone..
She looked abit shocked when she saw me.
Ha! dunno lar.. maybe is the effect of bold fashion. >.<

The indecisive OG came to an conlcusion to eat KFC for good. :)
I saw this gal. She looked very familiar but I dunno where I saw her before.
O well, what i can observe from her was that she's then hanging out with RJC people. From the language to the posture, very RJC like.. >.<

I brought some apple juice for my unconfortable stomach. Bleah!!
Did a little tickle spell on my HCl inside.. HEY!! Chemistry.. Cool!!!

Den the movie..
I was beside Wileen and shared popcorns with Suyhada (okie.. did i get the spelling right?)
I was like leaning against her arm. Bleah..
I should be the one calling out, 'COLD!!!'
but i wasn't.. 'Cos when I'm in high spirit. I'm a walking polar bear in singlet..

Darn!! the JAE is out of order again for my Singpass..
I hate to say.. my NRIC is the core of all these.. Sigh
O well.. maybe my connection with SM Lee might be the root of all these..
-Hint hint- Kidding..
Does flowers really make girls happy only?
I total disagree..

The supposingly flowers that I was planning to give to Candy is now in a perrier dirty green glass bottle, filled with much water, doped with panadol. Serious lar.

Actually the flowers I brought under the influence of the Holy Spirit, wasn't for Candy. I assumed He wanted me to visit Candy with the flower. But in actual fact, it was for me. Initially, I did believe the flowers were actually for me, until this morning..

Upon waking up this morning, the flowers made me smile..
Seeing them, the 2 only left surviving stalks made me feel great..
Never ever have flowers had such sensation thrown onto me.

I know God wanted to drive a point.
But it seems to be quite profound that I was abit slow to understand.
Maybe the antenna connected to heaven is abit broken.
My spiritual feelers are abit wore out.
Time to renew and refresh..

Flowers..
God..
Flowers..
God..
Dunno. Ha! Maybe He knows me better than I know myself.
Maybe seeing the flowers reminds me about someone who makes me smile..

After appreicating the flowers..
I decided to devote my morning to bible study.
I sat on by the desk, took out all the neccessay items:

Highlighters. All 4 colours.
Pencil.
Eraser Pen.
My Junkifie Journal.
BIBLE!

In my mind, I set out to study 'Proverbs' chapter..
In the beginning was already very interesting liao.
All the stuff about submitting to parents authority, bla bla bla..
I was hooked to the bible again.
Higlighting anything that seemed to be important.
Listening to what Holy Spirit has to teach me.
My understanding over some problems about life was increased tremendously..

But of all the verses that captured my heart.
This was the one that explains everything I had been going thru:

'Above all else, guard your heart, for it affects everything you do.'
Proverbs 4:23

Ouch! it hits right into the core of all my anguish..
I remembered many people prophesied over me to guard my heart.
Guard my heart?
I dunno what they are referring.
So i again assuming that they were referring to BG-Relationship.
I guarded and secured my emotions for the opposite gender.

You see,

'Assumption is another form of confusion.'

If I'm confused over what my prophesy really meant, it just takes time for it to slowly lurk out from its shadow and the problem to set in.. long enough to kill my faith, if not found out immediately.

Well.. this verse speaks for itself:

'The thief's purpose is to steal, kill and destroy...' John 10:10

So it's a matter of time for the spark that will ignite to kill my faith and for it to go deep down thru the valley, damp and cold.. Shivering cold and smell of death everywhere..
er.. its a metaphor by the way..

I have been using so much metaphors in my conversation these days that people seemed not to get my idea thru..
Why? maybe I'm sssssssssssssssuper zai liao.
Woo... I can see the 'egotistic' bulb blinking off somewhere..

Well.. Welcome back the typical 'me', back in action!!
trying to score for 'lame' point around here.
But na.. i'm soooo not used to it.
I'm going to be a MAN soon.. ha! church's 'inside' joke.

My life've been cool..
Cool weather.. doing cool stuff with cool people if u wan to know what's going on in my cool life lately when now, time is not very kind to people like me.

Serangoon Junior College is another place where I have stories to tell my children and my grandchildren and my great grandchildren..
It was a place where I made my first contact with Cedarians as a Marist boy with absolute not-the-typical-marist written on my forehead. Where I met a bunch of hardcore companions who blasted their way thru SRJC..
The place where I realised the emotional weakness I have for the opposite gender, with absolutely no previous encounter with them. A company that crazed over small and cute stuff, which includes cute guys and gals to drool for.
A place where I made friendnship like daily covenant.
A place where dreams were fulfilled.
A place where I made the best people in whom I knew deep inside of me that they will and it's a promise that they will eventually be one of the culture and history makers in Singapore..
A place where I might have just found the Perfect One for me, btw its just a normative statement to end my list that might go on forever if I dun stop it right now..

People of Aura V, a bunch of monkeys that are the absolute for 'INDECISIVE' and 'GLUE'.. Well, they are great people.. although all of us are made up differently, we stick like glue? maybe it's not the best word to describe what I'm trying to drive upon, but they should know lar..
Now! with different paths we have chosen for ourselves.. I truely hope that everyone will be successful in their paths.. not to sidetrack too often. : ) Luv you guys alot, including the adopted Aura V monkey.. ha!

People of 1A04, a class of lunatics that made up of 20 gals and 7 macho,handsome, soooo badly desired guys.. ha! yar right..
Actually.. not to keep the gals in the dark. Many of my guy friends in SR envy me, cos they said that 1A04 made up of lots of flowers on super smelly XXXX.. they commented that the class is full of chio bu which to a large extent... I shall not comment about it, otherwise the next time I see them. 'Embracing them' will not be the most wise decision I'm going to make for my already quite contented life..

Actually is the guys that amaze me the most..
We are the minority in every aspect from class size to the voice in major decision-making..
or is it just me?
The guys are E BAND of BROTHERS.. we really try to make an effort to sit together to eat, when sometimes.. some individuals, including me, will flap around the flowers in the canteen and brust forth outraging conversation. However, our relationship didn't fade much. Especially the sweetest moments on Valentine's Day, we sat on the round table in Kenny Rogers.
To show how much we care for each other, we swore to use the knifes to stab each other when we are unhappy.. that exclude Daryl. He wasn' there.. But he's the coolest and with the highest rating in ponning school. Ha!

Now the gals, with 2 extremes.. the loud and the soft. I dun think anyone is netural lar..
Although there's some unpleasant among them.. they have not have any catfight yet or never was once.. so I think they are also quite OK..

Let start with the soft girls..
They are soft. -BANG! BANG! gunshots- :o
They are the weights that balance the class, both in the class attendance and for some reasons to save the class from trouble.. the good good gals with nicely pressed top and bottem or whole piece. They are the much quietier ones with completely no ill thoughts of ponning school, ever? I'm not very sure of that.. Ha!
They assured that 1A04 will not have ZERO attendance on anydays, which really is a compliment for them.. no hard feeling :P

Now the loud girls..
They are loud. -BANG!!!! Shotgun shot- ;o
They are the powerhouse of the class. Always blabbing about anything, with a limit.
Some are the soyabean auntie's favourite customers. The 'Dao Hui' fan club..
Activities like mass ponning are their favourite part of the day.. Duh!!!
When one laughs, the others get seriously infection.. Laughing club!
Think of them as a group of I-know-each-other-dirty-little-secret.. or they seems to be. Huh?!?

To summarize, they make me cry... boo!
Really have to take my hat off for the gals as they are the reason to live.. kidding!
Actually, they are the brains and the hands of 1A04 as well.. Ha!
Almost all the competition, we participated in. They put in the most effort.

From the CNY Banner design to the Debating to the Total Defence CT thingy to whatever I didn't mention here... I really have to admit, guys are the super slackers. But the guys on the other hand, really put aside our ego and pride for these to happen..
HEY!! I'm trying to save some 'face' for the guys.. Ha!

Not to forget..
To keep the namelist short.. I decided to use one person's name to substitiute all the other names that might have been listed down..
BERrrr's friends and company..
You guys Roxs..
They are the fine example of up-to-date human to human fast track information process and transition.. a mini friendster of their own.. they like hyperlink to each other, so when u know one of them, you will get the chance to know the rest if u have the opportunity to sit down and chat with them..
And.. they really really really REALLY KNOW how to kill time..
if u are going out with them.
Either you can patiently wait for their arrival
Or you have to be the fast respond team.
But they Roxzzz...

You ask me to describe them with one word.. it's
eudtinherinhecace..
Na.. this word dun exist at all..

Well.. time and space will not separate them.
So good try if anyone wants to separate them,
cos they are inseparatable..
its like not eating cheesecake with your mouth..
okay.. that's lame. Sorry!!! :)

Wow.. i really can type. Bleah!
Shall I continue? Maybe.. maybe next time.
This week has been a week of craziness and manifesting all along..

Darn! i'm sort of manifesting now as I type..
Holy laughter and a bit shaking..
Haaa...

Last Sunday.. when i manifested, my heart ached.. very badly. Ha!
Den He didn't say anything much. But I knew immediately that this week I going to experience emotional skydiving!

And BINGO!! I was right...
Monday was the day of joy..
Frankly speaking I didn't study much, compared to my Prelims..
I read Bible and novels during the 'O's and always read until i nearly forgot to study.
I slept alot as well.. So getting 12 points. I sooooooo dun deserve it lor..

That's for sure is by God's grace. The Bible says, 'Seek first His kingdom and His righteousness and all will be added to you.' With that, I went into the examination hall. People mugging like siao, but I was reading the purpose driven life book and some Robin Cook's novels..

Faith was what I had when I took the papers.
Well.. He did honor His promise lar..
When many of my leaders asked me how many points I wanted.
I just nonchalantly shot back, '10!!'
Den here I have.. 12 pts mins 2 pts for CCA. 10 points!!

My request list was simple..
Pass English and the rest As.
BOOM BAM BING!!!
It came to pass.. Ha!

People might not understand why I'm so overwhelmed with joy when I got my results and also my friends too as well. I'm so proud of them. God too bless others.
Well.. during the exam period, I prayed to Him asking Him to bless others as well.
Then those who were in the list, did better than me. But it was cool.
Den those who weren't, didn't so as well as expected.

So confirmed. Prayer works. Everything by prayer, nothing without it!!!

Joy was suddenly taken away without warning. I fell into depression..
I dunno what happened. But I have been blogging my ugly past and all my grievances..
All my blogging are seriously under inspiration, so what comes into mind, goes online.

I didn't know that it wasn't by God's idea to list out all my unhappiness when I suppose to be joyful always, be a good cheer. That's the problem with me, always finding the bones in MY OWN egg.

My world just suddenly fell apart with all the questioning from friends and relatives about my results. One thing is that I made to put up with the they-did-better-than-you discrimination and the other hand, trying to console those who didn't do well.. Super stressed up for no reason lor..

Den came the parents conference with me. All the what-are-u-planning-to-do-next interrogation... I didn't know what to do. I asked God about it, but this week, I couldn't concentrate to try to chat with Him like usual. Soaking wasn't working. Guitar skills vanished suddenly. I was so lost. I need direction and God was my compass!!!

I was as though a boy scout in the forest without a compass to find my wayout.
I was walking in circles lost until I fell into a pit. BLAM!
The pit was dark and wet, that was what the situtation felt den.
I did somethings that was so not me. Buying flowers for Candy??
In what common sense was I to buy that for her..
But the voice inside me kept on pushing me to do.
I assumed, maybe she's down den need someone to cheer her up.

My emotions were not stable.
One min in joy, den the next min in sorrow for no reason again.
It was though I was suffering PMS. Irregular and heavy!

Going out and Wednesday was a right thing to do.
Maybe I dunno.. I might kill myself.
By the way, I live at the 16th storey.
So jumping out the window.. u should know.

A sms shook me and I suddenly realised something was wrong with me.
Before that, I assumed I'm alright. But in actual fact, I was in pre-depression state.

Watching 'Hitch' was something that made me to contemplate even more.
After the movie, my emotions just dipped into silence mode.
Again I felt empty and depressed! But for what reason? No reason!

I was ministered by angels for awhile on the way home, but the fear came back again after finished sms-ing a friend. I was starting to explode soon..

Den last night was crazy. I had another round of 1-on-1 with my parents.
I was so determined to key in my choices, so I took a nap to wait for the sever to be less busy.
Just 2 hours after midnight, Daddy woke me up to key in my choice.
Daddy was beside me and I was in front of the monitor.

Singpass ID: S88******.
Invaild ID.
Again.
Same.
Again!!
Same.
'What the **** happened?!?' I screamed in my heart.
I slapped the keyboard. I was so pissed off.
I was filled with anger and fustration.
Daddy tried to calm me, but was futile.

I went to the hall and stared at the night beauty of Singapore island.
Tears was rolling down. I was crying. But why?!?
Fear of not able to key in and flunk the posting filled my thoughts.
I was so scared. I crept by the door and was manifesting..
I was shaking and brawling..

I suddenly felt so cursed.
Daddy came and calm me again.
I ignored his concern and tried again.
Den this came into me,

"The goverment dun recongize me as a Singapore citizen!! What's wrong with me?? What did I do to suffer this torment??" I screamed at my Daddy when he was a bit apprehensive abt my behaviour. He shuted me off and asked me try again tomorrow after seeing the MOE HQ.

I switched the computer and went to sleep.
After the lights were off, I felt very inferior and I was brawling even hard.

'God! What did I do?'

Den Mum was awaken and she reminded me to stay early and pray before sleeping.
I wasn't in the mood for prayer, so I took up my guitar and strummed the usual chords.
Den the presence of God came like a tsunami, the 'killer wave' cut into my heart.
Song of praise and worship came into my mind like a gentle touch from Jesus..
I started to worship.. I was worshipping and crying in the same time.

It was so painful.
My heart was aching like siao lor.
Never ever is worshipping that drama..
I always thought that it will happen on others not me.
Well.. God is the God of possible impossiblilties..

The more I worshiped, the more relief I felt.
All the fear and distress were taken away.
Crying ceased and healing took place.
I prayed all that concerned me. Fullstop.

I went to sleep.
It was a peaceful night.
I slept without any disturbance, until my body clock woke me.
I felt.. netural.
Den God whispered me to go to CPF building to settle the Singpass.

I went. Went alone.
I wore my loud hype trackpants and 'Circle of Truth' tee with beanie.
Mum was commenting that I looked like a rugged Malay. I said nothing.

Things went smooth after all.
Keyed in my choices and went to sleep again...

The commotion was over.
I was alright. I was the usual me.
It all felt like a dream.
The crying and the pissed feeling.
Floaty Woozzy.. :)

Wow.. what a week I had.
After the skydiving, I'm now on hard ground, anticipating the next move.
What am I going to experience soon? I got absolutely no idea.